I’m not proud of this, but I used to brag about “not falling for the man’s tricks.” Like yeah, my landlord’s got insurance, right? Wrong. So wrong. His policy covers the drywall, not my thrift-store velvet Elvis painting that somehow survived three moves and one very questionable party involving a fog machine. Anyway, fast-forward to me crying over a soggy MacBook while my cat judged me from the windowsill—renters insurance would’ve been clutch.
That One Time My Upstairs Neighbor Tried To Install A Waterfall
Okay picture this: I’m half-asleep, dreaming about tacos (as usual), when drip… drip… DRIP. Ceiling’s leaking. Then it’s not leaking, it’s pouring. I jump up, slip on a rogue LEGO (don’t ask), and watch in slow motion as my entire life floats away. Sneakers? Gone. Gaming rig? Submerged. Dignity? Long gone. The super shows up, shrugs, says “not my pipes, bro,” and leaves. No renters insurance = me eating instant noodles for two weeks straight.
How I Actually Got Renters Insurance (And Yes, I Messed It Up First)
So I’m panicking, googling “cheap renters insurance nyc” on my cracked phone at 4 a.m. while sitting on a fire escape eating cold pizza. I sign up for the first thing that says “$5/month” — turns out that’s just liability, not personal property. Whoops. Had to call back and upgrade. Moral of the story: don’t shop for renters insurance when you’re delirious and smell like wet carpet.
Pro Tip: Don’t Do What I Did (But Also Kinda Do)
Here’s my chaotic system that eventually worked:
- Make a list of everything you own that isn’t nailed down. Include that $300 bong you tell your mom is a “vase.”
- Take photos. Lots of photos. I sent Lemonade a pic of my soggy Nikes and they paid out no questions.
- Bundle with car insurance if you have a car. I don’t. But I bundled with my bike insurance and saved $3. Worth it.
- Raise your deductible to $500. Saves money and stops you from claiming every lost sock.
I use Lemonade now because their app is weirdly fun and they paid me in 3 days. No, they’re not paying me to say this. I wish.
What Renters Insurance Actually Paid For (The Receipts)
Here’s the actual breakdown from my claim (yes I saved the email like a psycho):
- Laptop: $800 (it was a 2019 MacBook Air with a sticker that said “This Machine Kills Fascists”)
- Sneakers: $180 (three pairs, all limited edition, all now fish habitats)
- Random crap: $140 (including a lamp shaped like a pineapple because of course)
- Extra living expenses: $60 Uber to my friend’s couch + one large pepperoni pizza for emotional support
Total: $1,180. Premium: $14/month. Math checks out.
The Best Deals On Renters Insurance (From Someone Who Shops Like A Racoon)
I compared quotes like a maniac. Here’s the tea:
- Lemonade — $14/mo, paid fast, cute app. 10/10 would drown again.
- State Farm — $17/mo, but the agent kept calling me “sweetie” so I ghosted.
- Geico — $12/mo if you bundle, but their website crashed twice.
Use this comparison tool unless you enjoy pain.
The One Thing I Still Screw Up
I still forget to update my policy when I buy dumb crap. Just spent $250 on a neon sign that says “TACO ‘BOUT IT” and haven’t added it. Classic me.
Final Thoughts From A Guy Who Learned The Hard Way
Look, renters insurance isn’t sexy. It’s not even fun. But neither is sleeping on a couch that smells like cat and regret. Get it. Shop around. Take the photos. And for the love of god, don’t store your Xbox under the bathroom sink.
Anyway—your turn. What’s the dumbest thing you’d need renters insurance for? Drop it below and I’ll tell you if it’s covered. Or just go get a quote right here before your neighbor installs a hot tub in the hallway.
P.S. If you see me in Bushwick carrying a pineapple lamp, no you didn’t.